Sexual Abuse among Youth Inside and Outside the Church
by Pastor Tiffany Watkins
Not long ago I received a text message from my previous 16 year old student informing me that she was battling with whether or not she should have an abortion because she had become pregnant. I quickly let her know where I stood on the issue and that I didn’t believe in abortions. As she was talking to me, I began to question in my mind, why she got pregnant. Well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. However, what made me question this was because she was professing to be a committed lesbian. I began to ask the Lord about her as she was talking to me. Immediately, the Lord dropped into my spirit that she had been molested at a younger age. I preceded to text her and ask if she had been molested at a young age. She responded with a yes and told me that she was molested at age eleven and three times at 14. She told me that this is why she decided to become a lesbian because she is scared of guys. My heart began to cry out to God and ask him what I could do to help. God then gently informed me that I was there and that is help enough. After the conversation I ended the text message with asking for her address so that I could mail her a copy of my book entitled “The Sexual Abuse of Youth Within the church.” Although she wasn’t sexually abused in the church, my book covers a lot of information about being sexually abused and how to recover from sexual abuse.
This is only one of the countless stories I’ve encountered during my contact with different young women and men whether on my job or other places. Out of all these encounters, I believe my own experience with Sexual Abuse as a child outside and inside the church has drawn people to me by divine orchestration of God the father. Parents need to be aware of the risks so that they can prevent this from happening to their children or children of others they know. In this article I will give you some information on how to prevent and/or help those youth who have been sexually abused. Since I was also sexually abused in the church, I wanted to include information for church leaders as well. For more information on how to help prevent sexual abuse, you can go to www.darkness2light.org
There are several things you can do in order to prevent sexual abuse or help those who have been sexually abused:
Understand why children are afraid to tell: Some children may be ashamed and the abuser is usually manipulative. The abuser may try to confuse the child about right or wrong.
Know how children communicate: Children who disclose sexual abuse often tell a trusted adult other than a parent.
Talk openly with your child: Teach the children about their bodies and let them know what “good and bad touch” is. Make sure to talk about sexual abuse on an age appropriate level. Communication is very important in the prevention of sexual abuse.
Don’t overreact: When an adult reacts with anger or disbelief, the child usually shuts down, changes their story, and/or have guilty feelings. If a child reports to you that they have been sexually abused, take the report serious and do a full investigation.
Pastors don’t be afraid to ask for references: We often hear the saying in the church, “Everyone in the church ain’t saved.” When it comes to our children, we shouldn’t mind giving references or submitting back ground checks if need be.
Prayerfully and carefully choose God fearing youth leaders: I say this especially in the area of church field trips so that you don’t have to wonder about your child’s safety.
Train church staff working with youth: It is important that Pastors sit down with their youth leaders and discuss the importance of covering youth in the church. Make sure to discuss the importance of accountability to God when protecting our youth from sexual abuse within the church.
Two is always better than one: This statement will always insure protection of your leaders against false allegations of sexual abuse. As youth leaders, we should never make it a habit to conduct individual counseling sessions with youth of the opposite sex for an extended period of time.
Youth leaders, learn how to address “crushes”: God has entrusted the youth into our care and it is important that we honor God by honoring his children. Matthew 18:6 says “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” This scripture proves God’s desire for us to protect and care for his youth. God takes protection of children serious and so should we.
I hope this information has given you a start on how to begin to address the issue of sexual abuse among youth whether it is inside or outside of the church.
For more information on my book or to contact me, you can reach me at pastorwatkins@bellsouth.net or you can purchase it on Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble.